Sometimes, when you don’t have parents anymore, not only do you have a big hole in your heart, but there’s some big shoes to fill and no ones stepping in them anytime soon. That means you have to step it up yourself (an entire blog post for another time). It can also mean you’re beginning to (and may have been for a long time) play out roles or patterns with others. If your mom acted this way or your dad treated you that way, you may find you are attracting people into your life that play that specific role for you. Not that you are trying to make someone into your mom or dad, but these little missing pieces of the relationships you had with your parents, you still crave that feeling, role or pattern, consciously or unconsciously, in some way.
Sometimes the role that you play out or seek out is positive, and sometimes those relationships can be questionable. If it’s positive and helping you, awesome. If you’re questioning if a relationship with someone is healthy, even if it’s just an acquaintance, take a step back and ask yourself, does this feel good? Do I feel good when I interact with this person? Is this person lifting me up or tearing me down? Do I enjoy being around this person? Do they enjoy being around me? Are they adding to the love in my life?
If they are adding to your life and you feel good, keep going. If you are not sure, really try to assess what it is that is making you feel this way. Is it something they did? Said? You did or said? Something you are remembering from your parents and how you felt and you are triggered when you interact with these other people? Just take a step back and think about what it is about this particular interaction or interactions that make you feel bad and try and either work through it or if you get to the point where you can see it coming, walk the other way.